The war is over, an essay I wrote for RTE arena

one hundred years ago,Though there was no official truce, roughly 100,000 British and German troops were involved in unofficial ceasefire along the length of the Western Front.

on Christmas day both sides played against each other in a friendly game of football in No Man’s Land,

It humbles the heart to know that in one of the most bloodiest and futile wars, for one day humanity was the victor as the artillery fell silent on christmas day.

It’s what Franz Ferdinand died for.

Christmas has never been a peaceful time to me, I have a big family, christmas has been a time of noise, high pitched squeals, a time of being perpetually hungover whilst a Furby is shoved in to your face laughing.

I’m an attention seeking prick


Adults drinking since breakfast, kids running around with foghorns disguised as toys, it’s a day so far removed from peace that I feel I had to address the cover up so today dear reader, I’m revealing my top family christmas rows.


Who ate all the strawberry roses?


Last year the glorious return of Danny Dyer to paid acting came in the form of his first appearance on eastenders, he has  a special place in my heart, I was salivating at the thought of Danny Dyer head butting Phil Mitchell into a christmas tree, but it clashed with Downton Abbey, my mum’s favourite show, she pulled the “slaving away over a hot stove all day/receiving thirty stitches for me” card. It was decided we would watch downton abbey, what happened next enraged me. Mum played games on her phone whilst the programme was on, flicking her eyes upwards whenever the butler said something judgmental and commenting “that was a different time back in the old days”.I held that against her for the rest of the yuletide season, and intentionally drank her brandy even though it makes me break out in hives.

Who went in to the second layer of the U.S.A assorted biscuits?

Every christmas my granddad threatens to throw out anyone that suggest that we should put the leftover turkey in a curry, my dad and granddad squared up to each other in the kitchen over whether to serve fried bread with the breakfast, my dad ran up to his room and wouldn’t come down until only fools and horses was on later that evening.




I remember watching my sisters pull each others hair over who get’s to sing karaoke next, Uncles row over Christmas cracker jokes, my mum’s yearly struggle to get us to get dressed to go to mass, I  really question the existence of god when it prevents me having a lie in.
But I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world every row is special and makes me happy that I get to spend my christmas rowing with the people I love.
John Lennon may have said the war is over if you want it, but I doubt he’s had to assemble a miniature kitchenette at five in the morning.

I wish you an argument filled Christmas and a narky new year..  

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